The gift of exchange

Some old adage goes like this:

"When God closes a door, He opens a window".

When I was younger, I didn't appreciate the vagueness, and that the adage was meant as a general sense of comfort. All I could envision was the difficulty of trying to escape from a window where once I could have left from a door. I pictured myself struggling to escape a high window, and falling, most likely, upon exit.

It is funny how adages get slipped into vernacular and become accepted, perhaps mostly without thought. What is even funnier, and sad at the same time, is how the richness of scripture, especially during a trying time, can convey a deeper sense of comfort and nourishment for the soul, if one doesn't mind digging deep. The quick adage, like a cheap food, is substituted for the more ardorous one. The choice between the two is kind of like the difference between eating a taco from fast food, and enjoying a very fine, home-cooked, grilled steak. The steak can be laborious to buy, prepare, and grill---whereas the taco is simply bought; however, the satisfaction, nourishment and taste cannot really be compared.

Isaiah 61:3 is one of those nourishing verses that I offer as a trade for the previous adage in terms of comfort during grief:

God, will do many beautiful things, amongst them:

"(and) provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor."

Times of mourning are inevitable for us Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve. Life is full of trials, and sometimes the potential for bitterness can be overwhelming. Mourning is not limited to the loss of a loved ones. Chaotic events, sudden drastic changes of circumstances, illness, and financial stress can also cause excessive grief, amongst other things.

This is why the poetry of scripture can be a powerful comfort in conveying hope during grievous times.

Continuing along the tree analogy referenced previously in another blog, here is the mighty oak of righteousness, and planted by God to display His splendor!

God paints a description of the hope we have to look forward to with the prototype of those who mourn and grieve in Zion with the verse from Isaiah 61:3.

God is going to give those who mourn:

"A crown of beauty for the ashes". Friend, no matter what your ashes look like---there is hope. Ashes vary, by the types of material that they were comprised of and burned previously, but all ashes have a unique characteristic: they are the completely changed leftovers from a previous event. And fire, and burning, can seriously alter ones story.

"The oil of joy instead of mourning". When mourning is spoke of in Job, he tears his cloths, shaves his head, and cuts his body with shards of pottery (Job 1-2), and his friends sit on the ground for seven days with him in his despair. The mental picture is vacuous of hope. Anguish seems permanent. Yet God says He will trade our mourning for the oil of joy. Oil was a symbol of blessing and so much more, in both the Old and New Covenant.  The oil of joy is even more explicit. The mental imagery and contrast between mourning and joy, and ashes(dry) and oil(nourished), are stark themselves.  Later in the book of Job, God blesses Job twice as much as he is blessed in the beginning. God gives Job more children, more flocks, more wealth, and his 'oil of joy' overflows.

Lastly, the "garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair". 

We all know how heavy grief can weigh us down. It is soul-sucking, life-depriving, joy-robbing, and eye-dimming. But it is also a natural human emotion that accompanies many different inevitable life events. Grief is to be expected. Even our Christ wept over Lazarus' death. However, grief is not the end, and our Father prepares new garments for us. 

There is a place for grief, but God has a new garment that He has made ready for us. Let us prepare our hearts also, that we will be ready for the gift of exchange: to be ready to change our mourning to praise when the time comes, as we ultimately display His splendor!

The true anchor of my soul

     I spoke with a brother in Christ from our church this past Saturday night, during a welcome home party for a soldier in our congregation who just returned from Afghanistan. He is not afraid of shedding tears. He asked how I was holding up in the recent loss of my step mom. When I thought to myself how I should verbalize this grief, a mental image came to mind. I told this brother, Andrew, how I felt like I was in an ocean of grief, with dark skies, and I was on a small boat in the middle of it, with no anchor, no paddle---just drifting aimlessly since the loss of my step mom. I acknowledged the truth: I know she is in Heaven, with God. That doesn't make me miss her comforting presence any less.

     Andrew's father is experiencing aggressive onset of some sort of Alzheimer's/senility conditions, and Andrew knows his father will pass soon in the coming years. We were both crying: he about his father's deterioration, and me for the loss of one of my spiritual anchors--my step mom. He truly blessed me, like a brother in Christ, because he wept while I wept. Andrew acknowledged and voiced the devastating feelings I experienced with the impact of the loss of one of my anchors, and saw the look on my face which betrayed the turbulence.

     The next morning (Sunday, April 14), right before I woke up, I vividly found myself in a dream of the exact scene of feelings that I described. Lost, in the middle of an ocean. In the boat. No paddle. Same dark skies. Same sense of forlorn...lostness. I felt as helpless as a child without a parent.

But suddenly, a figure appears not too far off. I couldn't describe what He looked like, but I know who He was. Jesus came walking on the water, right up to my boat. He Got in the boat. Then, He Paddled the boat Himself, to the shore. He helped me out of the boat, and Walked with me on the beach and took me to a large rock on the shore. Then, He sat down with me facing the ocean. 

     After that, I woke. As I woke up, it was the strongest reminder to me that He is with me, and will always take care of me, even during the grievous loss. That I am not truly alone. The reminder that He will come get me, at the most trying moments.

I was so excited that I told my children this dream as I drove to church; we were listening to "The Message" station on Satellite radio, and as I relayed the dream, the song "You Won't Let Go", by Michael W. Smith, began playing. I had never heard it before. In the song, he says "You are the anchor for my soul; you won't let go" and he speaks about storms, waves, etc!! The words were amazingly uncanny answers to the stormy feelings that were blindsiding me only the day before. He calmed that storm as well.

     In that dream, Jesus reminded me that He is the true anchor of my soul. He rescues me. He cares for me, and in the song, it was an overwhelming reminder that He truly is there. What an amazing God!!!! While the pain of Mary's loss is still there, it is quieted by this solemn, amazing truth---God sees, and He truly cares, and He will be with me no matter what!!! I was dumbfounded, truly. 

     Later that morning, I suddenly realized this was an answer to prayer. He caused me to remember my heart cry. In the previous Friday afternoon sunshine, only days before, the grief had particularly gripped me and the tears wouldn't stop. Wandering aimlessly in my living room, I stopped near my couch and just told God: I need a demonstration of your love. I need you to really show me, because my heart is so low, so broken. My heart ached, and inside I felt like a child crying continuously. This amazing God showed me over the weekend, through the love of family and friends, and a dream and a song, that He is most definitely there!!

Isaiah 65:24 "I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!" NLT

Isaiah 61:3 "and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor" NIV

Psalms 42:8 "By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life."

This is another testimony, to Let all know that our God is mighty, and a sure and present help in times of trouble. I pray that I will always speak of the great deeds God has done personally, as a testimony to His unfailing love and steadfast mercy.

If you have never done it, I beg you to ask Him to reveal Himself to you. Then, watch and wait for it.

In honor of Mary Ann Biggerstaff 

Sometimes We don't even have to ask...

     We grow weary sometimes. My dear Man--my James, who I love to refer to as my Moshe--he grows tired sometimes. He carries the weight and burdens of his job faithfully, and he loves his work, but even Pastors need a day of rest. As either Bilbo or Frodo said, our souls feel thin and stretched out. That's when rest for the soul is called for.

     In the past, we have seen each other get spread thin over the years, when the burdens of life weigh on us, and we both recognize that down time is necessary. Through invaluable advice from some elders a while back, we try to give one another mini-breaks, where one of us watches the kids and the other takes a few days to recharge. The elderly couple we know that taught us this were Christian counselors, and they would take a two week vacation once a year: one week alone, and one week together. While that may seem odd to some, the opportunity for prayer, meditation, and reflection with just yourself and God is tremendous and can really recharge a persons' soul. We don't have two weeks to spare, ever, so we try to take a few days every other year or so. 

     So, this week, during my full time college Spring break, we took the opportunity of no school pressure and I asked him to go away for a few days and rest and recharge. Quite suddenly, I might add. I just knew it needed to be done. My Moshe had mentioned wanting a small break weeks before, so Monday this week we made it happen. I have enjoyed all my downtime with the kids, relaxing and watching them play mostly, and James found a cottage at a Christian retreat center near the ocean that was affordable and hit the road.

     But God. God, our Father, intended much more. The first night he slept in the cottage, and called me the next morning to catch up. The place is beautiful, right beside the sea. He said there was a conference going on, for Pastors, while he's there. Then he mentioned that his back was stiff from the mattress, chit-chatted, and my day was starting so we said our good byes.

     Not much later that morning, he texted and told me that a delivery truck brought in new mattresses and that he would be sleeping on a brand new mattress that night! I laughed out loud when I read it. I don't think he even thought to ask our Father for a new mattress. How many things we don't even think to ask, but there it is. 

     But God. Later on, James is exploring all over, walking, praying and meditating on the grounds, and he meets other Pastors on a pier. They are with a large group of Pastors from Raleigh, who have been annually coming to the same place for many years--to simply pray together for 3 days and worship God. They strongly urge James to come to their prayer and worship time later that evening. James goes, and has the most amazing experience, as men who have been Pastors for 30+ years pray for him and his burdens for ministry. He comes away from it rejoicing, that God sent him there, at that specific time, and that he received such a blessing! 

     "Blessed be The Lord, who daily bears our burden, The God who is our salvation." Psalms 68:19.

Our God is amazing, and the works of His hands are wonderous to behold. He dumbfounds me with His lovingkindness; His love fills my innermost being.

That the Father would touch our hearts so personally, so intimately, as to deliver a brand new mattress for my soul weary husband to sleep on---and have godly, fellow Pastors come along beside him and pray for my Moshe as well----God demonstrates His love as He provides rest for the body and rest for the soul!