Illness, Paused...

June 29 2015

My immediate family and I try to get together with my step-dad and my siblings one Sunday a month for Sunday dinner. I am so thankful for my Step Dad’s wife, who cooks amazingly delicious meals and hosts this monthly event. This past month we got together on June 28, a Sunday afternoon. Our eldest son, Ethan, was visiting us, and it was very special for all of us to get together, enjoy Betty’s delicious cooking, and fellowship with each other. 

Even though it was a typical Southern summer day, which translates to hot and humid, I was oddly cold, and dressed warmer. I was wearing a shirt, light jacket, blue jeans, scarf and shoes, and freezing! I should have known something was up. In reality, I was running a fever, unbeknownst. i froze all day, and went to bed with check lists’ in my head of all the next day’s plans, because it was Lillian’s birthday on Monday, June 29. 

Little did I know, I was about to embark on a 14 day summer illness, along with the rest of my 5 member household. You see, when a big family gets sick, it’s never nice and neat: for example, everyone gets the same illness, at the same time, at the same rate, for the same extended period. No, that’s too easy. What typically happens in a big family is that each person gets sick in stages, like 3 days apart. Which translates to half a month in mom language.

Long story short, however, I woke up on June 29, 2015, at 7:30am, feeling just fine, and worked all day long to make it the most special day an 11 year old birthday girl could dream of, beginning with breakfast in bed, and a party and Grandparents visiting from Sanford, to a fantastic sleep over with friends, rocking out till 11:40pm when i finally turned in for the night and left the birthday girl partying with a friend for an epic sleep over!

       

And I woke up the next morning with a fever of 103.8, wishing I was at the hospital; the first of almost 14 days straight of a horrid summer illness.

Thus began the first leg of the illness, that took over our family from June 30, 2015, till around July 15, 2015. This was the worst summer sickness we’ve ever had! But the Ebenezer Stone is this: even though I was running a fever on June 28, I woke up June 29, like God paused the illness, and was able to do a pretty fine job of making a fabulous birthday for Lillian physically and mentally, and I just want to thank God so much for making that possible! Even when I was sick the following day, all I could think about was how awesome it was that Lily’s birthday was just fine! Mothers out there: y’all know how much you just love your kid, and want their birthday to be the best one ever…well, God made this possible this year for our girl. As a Mom, I couldn't hope for a more beautiful Ebenezer Stone, than to see how wonderfully God worked it out for me to be just fine and do so much for our daughter's birthday! It makes me so thankful for our health, and all that we are able to do! 

Plus, we are over that awful virus, or whatever it was.  Thank you God!

The true anchor of my soul

     I spoke with a brother in Christ from our church this past Saturday night, during a welcome home party for a soldier in our congregation who just returned from Afghanistan. He is not afraid of shedding tears. He asked how I was holding up in the recent loss of my step mom. When I thought to myself how I should verbalize this grief, a mental image came to mind. I told this brother, Andrew, how I felt like I was in an ocean of grief, with dark skies, and I was on a small boat in the middle of it, with no anchor, no paddle---just drifting aimlessly since the loss of my step mom. I acknowledged the truth: I know she is in Heaven, with God. That doesn't make me miss her comforting presence any less.

     Andrew's father is experiencing aggressive onset of some sort of Alzheimer's/senility conditions, and Andrew knows his father will pass soon in the coming years. We were both crying: he about his father's deterioration, and me for the loss of one of my spiritual anchors--my step mom. He truly blessed me, like a brother in Christ, because he wept while I wept. Andrew acknowledged and voiced the devastating feelings I experienced with the impact of the loss of one of my anchors, and saw the look on my face which betrayed the turbulence.

     The next morning (Sunday, April 14), right before I woke up, I vividly found myself in a dream of the exact scene of feelings that I described. Lost, in the middle of an ocean. In the boat. No paddle. Same dark skies. Same sense of forlorn...lostness. I felt as helpless as a child without a parent.

But suddenly, a figure appears not too far off. I couldn't describe what He looked like, but I know who He was. Jesus came walking on the water, right up to my boat. He Got in the boat. Then, He Paddled the boat Himself, to the shore. He helped me out of the boat, and Walked with me on the beach and took me to a large rock on the shore. Then, He sat down with me facing the ocean. 

     After that, I woke. As I woke up, it was the strongest reminder to me that He is with me, and will always take care of me, even during the grievous loss. That I am not truly alone. The reminder that He will come get me, at the most trying moments.

I was so excited that I told my children this dream as I drove to church; we were listening to "The Message" station on Satellite radio, and as I relayed the dream, the song "You Won't Let Go", by Michael W. Smith, began playing. I had never heard it before. In the song, he says "You are the anchor for my soul; you won't let go" and he speaks about storms, waves, etc!! The words were amazingly uncanny answers to the stormy feelings that were blindsiding me only the day before. He calmed that storm as well.

     In that dream, Jesus reminded me that He is the true anchor of my soul. He rescues me. He cares for me, and in the song, it was an overwhelming reminder that He truly is there. What an amazing God!!!! While the pain of Mary's loss is still there, it is quieted by this solemn, amazing truth---God sees, and He truly cares, and He will be with me no matter what!!! I was dumbfounded, truly. 

     Later that morning, I suddenly realized this was an answer to prayer. He caused me to remember my heart cry. In the previous Friday afternoon sunshine, only days before, the grief had particularly gripped me and the tears wouldn't stop. Wandering aimlessly in my living room, I stopped near my couch and just told God: I need a demonstration of your love. I need you to really show me, because my heart is so low, so broken. My heart ached, and inside I felt like a child crying continuously. This amazing God showed me over the weekend, through the love of family and friends, and a dream and a song, that He is most definitely there!!

Isaiah 65:24 "I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!" NLT

Isaiah 61:3 "and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor" NIV

Psalms 42:8 "By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life."

This is another testimony, to Let all know that our God is mighty, and a sure and present help in times of trouble. I pray that I will always speak of the great deeds God has done personally, as a testimony to His unfailing love and steadfast mercy.

If you have never done it, I beg you to ask Him to reveal Himself to you. Then, watch and wait for it.

In honor of Mary Ann Biggerstaff