Listening to the Still, Small Voice

     After Elijah made it to Mt. Horeb, the word of the Lord came to him in a cave and asked "What are you doing here, Elijah?" 1 Kings 19:9. Elijah gave his answer, and then God displayed His power by a strong wind, an earthquake, and a fire, but God was not in these 1 Kings 19:11-12. Next, there was the sound of gentle blowing, which caused Elijah to wrap his face in his mantle and stand at the entrance to his cave. At that point, God asked Elijah the same question. It was the still, small voice that lured Elijah to the mouth of the cave.
   
     Recently, a very sweet woman at church, who had been through grievous trials, tucked a good amount of spending money into my husbands shirt pocket and said to simply "take your family to the fair and come see me (at her booth)...". She said that God told her to do it, and for her it was an act of obedience. I was so blessed to hear how she was led by the Holy Spirit, and followed through. It blesses us to hear when someone is sensitive to Gods' Spirit. Often, it does seem like He tells us to do something unusual, or out of the norm. Sometimes, it is even uncomfortable, but that is when we are stretched and grow.
   
     How could she have known that we've rarely been to that sort of thing in years? In fact, our youngest two children, ages 9 and 6, have never been to a fair before. So, a week ago, Lily and Jack finally went to a real fair, saw exotic animals, rode rides, and experienced a petting zoo. They loved the white tigers, talked about the baby chicks, fed the animals, and had a blast riding rides.  I was in tears over the whole wonderful event, despite having to stay home and finish assignments. Elias brought a friend and enjoyed hanging out that evening.

   
     This week has certainly given me pause. Pause, and reflection time, awe and a deep sense of appreciation, to a God who continues to amaze. I thank Him in prayer, for the giant, magnificent things He has done: I will never cease to praise Him for the sacrifice of Christ on the cross, and His death, burial and Resurrection. I pray that I will never get over that, and that it will never stop bewildering me--How truly wonderful and awesome He is. How great and vast, and deep and wide and lovely His love truly is. Yet He continues to bless. His loving-kindness displayed hasn't stopped. He keeps giving, even down to the smallest thing as paying for my children to go to a fair for the first time. He surprises with joy.

Under the Juniper Tree

      I used to wonder about Elijah, after Mt. Carmel. One of the most amazing stories to me in the Old Testament is when God poured down fire on Elijah's offering, to demonstrate to the children of Israel that yes indeed "The Lord, He is God" (1 Kings 18:39). I loved the part especially, when Elijah demonstrated his confidence in God so much that he would have 4 huge pitchers of water poured 3X on the offering, knowing that God would come through and light it all up. I imagined that despite all the prophets of Baal, chanting and cutting themselves around him all day, that the presence of God settled over Elijah in a quiet still way, sharpening his spirit and senses and bolstering his faith. The still small voice had to be ministering and provoking Elijah to confidently act. And the fire fell from heaven.
   
    So what happened to Elijah, that would cause him to run away to Mt. Horeb after this extraordinary display of Gods power? After all, God showed up the 800 prophets of Baal and King Ahab by pouring down fire from heaven, and God brought on the rain after a 3 year drought and famine, and caused Elijah to outrun the kings chariot on the way back to Jerusalem. Why did Elijah run off to Mt. Horeb immediately, I wonder? Was it Jezebel and her vow to Elijah (1 Kings 19:2) after she found out that all her prophets of Baal were killed? Why was this woman so scary to Elijah after all the glory God had displayed? This is what I want to talk about. Not one of Elijah's finer moments in his story, but the time he ran. Ran to a juniper bush and asked God that he may die.

     I find it very interesting, the nuances of the story. At Elijah's worst moment, in his fear, and perhaps weariness and only God knows what else--God sent an angel to feed Elijah. Then God let him sleep. Then God sent the angel to feed him again, and prepared Elijah for a long journey. 40 days to Horeb, to a cave in the mountain. What follows in Elijah's story is very mysterious and interesting as well, but I want to camp out, if you will, with Elijah under the juniper tree.

     All who serve God have experienced moments where it seemed like times were at their bleakest. When it seems like you are all alone. In Elijah's time, many were killed. As Elijah later said to God, twice: "I have been very zealous for the LORD, the God of hosts; for the sons of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars and killed Your prophets with the sword. And I alone am left; and they seek my life, to take it away." (1 Kings 19:10). Perhaps there are those today, like Elijah, who are scared, and tired. Maybe you have run, like Elijah, as far as you can, and passed out exhausted under a juniper tree. How does the all-seeing God react to his weary prophet under the juniper tree, begging to die?

    God sends an angel to feed him, let him rest, and feed him again so that He can really minister to Elijah when He gets to Horeb.

     Since reading this, the first thing I took away from it was that God is kind. In Elijah's worst moment, God fed him and let him rest; and I have taken that to heart as a good recipe for showing love to my neighbors (Luke 10:37) when able. Food and rest, like medicine for the soul. Which brings me to my next Ebenezer stone. To appreciate the beauty of the stone, you have to understand its value amid circumstances, which requires humble honesty on our part. Yet God deserves praise! While we live in a very nice home, we are a family of six, and two of us go to college. We live very frugally and budget down to the last dollar, and its a budget light on entertainment and recreation. Not complaining; it just is what it is. We are very grateful for all that we have. However, it gets old, saying no to the children by going light most of the time.

     People who have no way of really knowing the behind-the-scenes struggles of a Pastor's family have been prompted by the Holy Spirit to shower us with love and affirmation this past week. Here is our modern day "food and rest" under the Juniper tree. This Sunday morning, as I was kissing my husband off at the door and he was leaving for church to finalize preparations before the service on Sunday, we noticed a pile in front of our door. A large pile, of bags and boxes of food, sitting on our doorstep. Groceries upon groceries. Someone had come to our home, and brought many lovely things: vegetables, pasta, juice, cans of beans, coffee, ground turkey, sausages, chicken, popcorn, snacks, Nutella, and frozen pizzas, just to name a few things. And not just any pizzas! Cheese free Pizza, that I can eat also! (I'm lactose intolerant). It wasn't just any food. It was lots of awesome food. Lots of food, that we can't buy quite often. I cried on my doorstep at 7:56am September15, 2013. Not an angel, but someone being the hands and feet of Christ, snuck to our house hours before we woke (judging by the semi-frozen chicken) and deposited what looked like +$100 worth of groceries on our doorstep.

"He lay down and slept under a juniper tree; and behold, there was an angel touching him, and he said to him, "Arise, eat." 1 Kings 19:5.
    The scriptural implications swarm in my soul. My first reaction is repentance; repentance for being sad over circumstances that will burn up like grass one day. Grief, over my own pausing-when I should be praising- God moments, just because I don't always like the look of things, from my point of view. Sorrow, for doubting Him. Regret for forgetting all the good things He's done, and letting circumstances get the best of me. Just like Elijah, I think we all have our "Well, after all, I am only human" moments.

 There are many ways to react during the trials life throws at you. But God, in His kindness, sometimes sends an angel, or a beautiful person being the hands and feet of Christ, to say, "Arise, eat."

As we say in the South, "We still have a ways to go".

The Chief Cornerstone

     There is no place to begin than by jumping into it head first.
     I was 9 years old when I First heard about Jesus, and His love, life, death and resurrection were for me. I believed them, the teachers. They asked, if anyone believed the story of his punishment and payment of our sins, and death and resurrection, and I raised my hands to confess my belief. The VBS teacher, Theresa H, was wearing a white cotton dress with little red hearts all over it in neat patterned rows. She had brown hair, permed, and it was bouffainted and sprayed neatly in place, and she had glasses, and  i thought she was one of the prettiest ladies I had ever seen. She got tears in her eyes when I raised my hand, and she smiled and lead me in prayer immediately.
     I have believed in Jesus ever since. I have not always been faithful. I have sometimes harshly doubted. But He will not let me go.
     All of us have despairing times in our lives. Times when our soul wears thin, as the Hobbit who has worn the ring too long says. Times when there seems to be no friend or even family that can possibly understand the depth of your despair and the purge of hope that is slowly overtaking your soul to the point of raw core despair. During those times, you can be surrounded by friends or family and yet if they speak like Jobs wife or friends, your spirit only adds bitterness and irony to the perplexing situation you are already facing. 
     Times such as those call for a rock to stand on. As torrential rain falls and breaks over you. As wind and storm beat down upon you life. As the darkness threatens to overtake and consume your soul. There must be an anchor that you can grasp and hold onto with all your strength as if your very life depended on it. Because your very sanity is determined by it. Because without it, the hurricane that blasts you could very well decimate you to oblivion. This anchor--this unbreakable rock, is Jesus Christ.
     Life is not fair. There are no rules to govern fairness. Not a lot makes sense, and people have sought to understand the reason "why" things happen to them for hundreds of centuries. Solomon says There is nothing new under the sun, and quite frankly thats a relief sometimes. It's nice to know we are not alone. We don't have control over some circumstances, but we do have control over how they will affect us. How we deal with them. How we react. With Christ's help, like a rock, He preserves us, and through our experiences, we can trust Him and be able to stand in the face of trials.
     My invitation to you is to be encouraged by some of my faith-building stories. To take heart and hopefully raise your spirits. I would also like to be a small compass, that points to God, and hopefully help you to see things from a different perspective. My life is not a litmus test to define how one should or could react, but simply a glass to hopefully reflect what God has done, and shine back the glory He deserves. And how far He has brought me. And be encouraged yourself to begin collecting your own stones of faith along the way, so we can exuberantly say together "Thus far He has brought me..."

     I will be honest and admit, that through most of my circumstances I have a hard time discerning the will of God; however, looking back over them, I can see His will a lot clearer as He reveals how He has grown me, and it has always been guiding me for what is best for our lives. It is always looking back that I see His will; rarely when I am right in the middle of it, or looking around for what lies down the road. Yet, this strange experience, of living purposefully and intentionally while not quite always having a clear direction, is a faith building journey. If one can look at the evidence of His divine love, and interception, it makes the path that much sweeter, and especially bearable, when our eyes are trained to seek out His love displayed in our daily lives. And believe me; the evidence is all around us.